Previously on the not well written blog

Previously…..

Thei TV isboring

If you are on of my thousands of new readers I thought it only fair to do a Season 1 recap a la Lost, Heroes and Flashforward (oh shit not that one, it got canned didn’t it and never made it to season 2, shame I liked Mr Fiennes fine American accent) so here it is- you need to read it with a deep gravely American accent in mind for the full effect.

• He bores you shitless with extensive reviews and imagery of smoking facilities at airports

His fixation with pictures of his feet for foot fetishist monthly will drive you crazy

His frequent rants will leave you flummoxed

He will take and comment on misspelt foreign signs and those with swear words like an 11 year old adolescent

His kleptomania will bore you rigid

A Broken Promise

A godend

I broke my blogging ‘hyphen’ last year, when I started my first ever blog with a mini rant about grammar police, making promises which I then proceeded completely contradict throughout my obsessive blogging over the following weeks. So I thought it only fair that I continue that tradition and try and make some more promises that I am fairly unlikely to keep to during the next two weeks.

• I will not make each entry too long, some of them last time were epic ( I use the same copy editor as Tolstoy – FACT), and were published on the basis of – if i have spent the time pecking on the bloody keyboard I was going to inflict every single word on you my poor suffering, yet loyal readers
• So I will try to do a little often, in the same way that my bladder works now that I am 42
• I will try not to rant too much, but please indulge me at least a few if things get on my tits (I have one brewing about health and safety notices at Manchester airport but I am trying desperately to keep a lid on it, do you know how hard that is for me?

The Flight

The best news was we snagged four seats to ourselves, stretch yourself out baby. I also had not one but two entertainment systems at my disposal as well as my ipad and phone, so was quite technically satiated. We did have a few anxious moments as a largish -in terms of family members not girth-, I think American, family passed by the spare seats and hesitated  looking at the seat numbers. We thought our spread out space was doomed, but they scuttled on by and we both breathed once more.

A Few Flight Highlights

Calming

Very nice colour changing cabin lights which make me very relaxed as they move gently between the colours, nice touch Mr Etihad

The plane also had the ability for me to telephone home while at 35,000 feet at the bargain per minute call rate of six dollars right from my seat. It tempted me all the way there. It was like I wanted to just because I could, but I was good and didn’t, not sure i will be able to resist on the way back. Tight arse Craig beat techie nerd Craig this round, but who knows what will happen on the rematch

Right that’s it I have hit the big time now the in flight meal came, I was busy piddling with the iPad and John proudly holds up shiny thing which glints in the overhead lights. OMG, REAL METAL cutlery , my flight quality is moving steadily up each year it truly is. Ok it’s not E.P.N.S, or 24ct gold but it sure as hell is a step up from placcy pecking. I’m posh me.

Food and wine was great, no complaints and the coffee was just so too.

Cabin staff were delightful, pleasant and efficient. No I have absolutely nothing to say about the cabin crew uniforms, I am not stereotyping myself again – I can’t resist they were in “back to school grey marl” which didn’t offend but was a tad boring.

Entertainment and choice of films was good and having a plug socket in front of you for your gadgets made me want to adopt Etihad Airlines as the official mascot for Geeks United Against Social Interaction ( of which I am President).

Only one slight annoyance is the adverts before each programme on the in flight entertainment systems, it cheapens what was otherwise a very very nice flight indeed. We landed 40 minutes early in Abu Dhabi, cuts down the rushing to connect.

A Mini Rant

Nice and damp

Why are boarding passes the size of DL envelopes (is it deeply sad that I know the codes for sizes of envelopes) ? They really don’t need to be do they? They need to have space for the marketing shit the airline want to throw at you, the seat, flight and gate number, your name and time of departure and space for the fancy barcode. If they made them smaller , like perhaps passport sized you could slot them in you passport nicely till you needed em instead of having them sticking out of your passport like a basketball player in a child’s cot. There that wasn’t too bad was it, very measured for me and not a profanity in sight.

The final picture is of Manchester Terminal 1 ‘smoking lounge’ . I have used my ironical indicators here because this consists of a metal roof (that leaks like the big brother house) with open mesh sides (reminiscent of a dog pound) and an uneven concrete floor that at the time of my using it was about an inch deep in manchester rain water. Well I should be thankful we could have a puff I suppose.

Ok shortish blog 1 cleared for landing. Pip pip

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Tags: Airport